You Must Accept My Religion


The following is the text of the newest flyer (read more about the flyer here).

I may have been dead for over 1000 years but I am still very much alive.

I told my people I was a prophet — in fact, not just any prophet but the last one. Posing as a prophet is really very simple. First and foremost you have to believe in yourself. Then people will start to believe in you. The more people who believe in you, the more others can be persuaded to believe in you. It snowballs. Today I still live through my followers and the rules I gave them to live by.

What is my religion? My religion is my ambition.

My ambition was to dominate all the peoples of the world and to have them all living by my rules. I wanted total obedience. I wanted to be praised and revered by everyone on earth. I was careful to cover my ambition in the cloak of religion so that my authority had the backing of the Almighty. Who would dare disobey me then?

The cloak of religion has served me very well. It has inspired my credulous followers to kill and be killed in the service of my ambition; it has allowed them to cast their bloodshed in the light of holiness.

My religion only demands one thing: TOTAL OBEDIENCE. Obey my rules and serve my ambition and you will be rewarded, in this life and the next.

My followers are busy working to enforce my rules across the whole world today. They call this their religion. They do this in all manner of ways: by persuading, persecuting, cajoling, threatening, soothing, confusing, bullying, terrorising, silencing, migrating, breeding — whatever it takes to spread my religion and ensure it becomes dominant.

The main purpose of my religion is to destroy all other religions.

“So what are your rules?” I hear you ask. Very well, here are my life or death rules:

1) If you reject my religion, then you must be fought — to the death.

2) If you leave my religion, you must be killed.

3) If you mock, insult, or work against my religion you must be killed.

4) If you die fighting for my religion you will go straight to paradise.

Remember that total obedience is the only measure of devotion to me. If you follow my rules without question you will be rewarded. Even when my rules demand cruelty or ferocity, you must obey. In fact, your willingness to do what you would rather not do is the best sign that you are obedient and thus truly devoted to my religion.

Everything you do must proclaim the same message: “Accept my religion or else!” This is my message and this is the message of my followers. Watch them carefully; they always bear the same message.

Today my ambition is enjoying remarkable success. Everywhere my followers go they simply have to say they must be allowed to do this or that because it is their religion and the unbelievers fall over themselves to allow it — even when it secretly disgusts them.

For all the technical wizardry of these modern unbelievers, I must say they are the greatest fools I have ever seen. Their biggest weakness is that they want peace. This makes them easy people to conquer. My followers just have to threaten disorder and the unbelievers find a sneaky way to concede defeat. The violence of my followers terrifies the unbelievers into paralysis and submission. There are a few among the unbelievers who have become alarmed but they are ignored or vilified.

In fact, when my followers murder some unbelievers due to some trivial insult, these foolish cowards come to them with grovelling apologies and promises to punish anyone else who offends my religion: my religion, which hangs over them like a death sentence! They truly are the most ridiculous people. I think they will sell their own children into slavery for the sake of a little more “peace”.

My soldiers only have to use words like “justice”, “liberation”, “freedom” and the unbelievers will send their armies to help them. But my followers have no intention of creating “liberty”, it’s against my religion. Nor do the unbelievers understand what I mean by “justice”. They are too lazy to find out!

I have nothing but contempt for these people. They are weak and cowardly and stupid.

These fools think that by tolerating my religion they are accepting it. This will do for now because it allows my followers to gather strength, but in the long run it will not suffice. To accept my religion is to obey my rules and just tolerating my religion is not obeying my rules. If they refuse to obey my rules, they are rejecting my religion and must be fought — to the death. That is rule number one.


Anonymous 6:59 PM  

Brilliant article but just 1 thing is missing.

What I want, what I desire, and whatever I do cannot be questioned.

Whatever I did not matter how repugnant it may seem is legal and I have god's backing for whatever I do.

Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth. --Albert Einstein

Traeh 10:39 PM  

This is a great idea.

At the same time, it reminds me a bit of the way some writers and journalists in the Soviet Union used to hide criticisms of the Soviet government "in between the lines" of the writing -- readers could understand and enjoy the criticism intended, even though it was said almost in code, i.e., in various tricky and indirect ways, which to some extent sheltered the writer from punishment, because the message conveyed was too indirect to convict the writer definitively of anything. Comedians today in some contexts use a similar method to joke about sex -- they make all kinds of metaphors whose hidden sexual meaning is very clear, though not spelled out or actually stated. Thus if anyone were to attack the comedian for the "inappropriateness" of the underlying explicit meaning, the comedian could accuse the accuser of having a dirty mind and "reading" into what the comedian was saying. The comedian sometimes uses indirection and metaphor to reduce the risk of pushing the boundaries of impropriety.

But I still think the flyer is a great idea, for the reasons Citizen Warrior pointed out.


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