How to Stay Relaxed and Feeling Good While Talking About Islam


WHEN I WAS in high school, I remember my friends and I making the observation that when we didn't have girlfriends, girls didn't seem interested in us, but once we had a girlfriend, suddenly interested girls were everywhere we turned. And we knew why: Because we no longer felt we needed a girlfriend. We didn't have that anxious mood about us any more. If girls liked us, that was fine with us. And if they didn't like us, that was fine with us too, now that we had someone who liked us a lot. We were confident, self-assured, and relaxed.

The same principle applies to talking about Islam. If you can find a way to not "need" someone to believe you or agree with you, they are more likely to believe you and agree with you.

So if you find yourself getting somewhat upset during conversations about Islam, I suggest you change the way you think about it so if someone agrees with you, that's fine with you. And if they
don't agree with you, that's fine with you too. But I mean really fine with you (rather than trying to convince yourself it's fine, even though you are actually upset). Find a way to think about it so you feel good about it however the conversation goes.

How can you think about it so you have that kind of relaxed confidence? Experiment with different perspectives and see what works for you. For example, I have convinced myself that I am on "the leading edge" and that eventually it will become common knowledge that the doctrines of Islam are not peaceful but intolerant, politically domineering, and violent. Over the last nine years of writing this blog, I have seen good evidence that my assumption is true: More and more non-Muslims are waking up to the truth about Islam.

Since that's the case, any particular individual I'm talking to doesn't really matter in the long run. If they believe me, I have gained one more recruit to our side. If they don't believe me at the moment, they will eventually learn the truth, and they'll remember I'm the one who said it first. I know this is a little silly, but this perspective works for me. It helps me not have any anxiety about whether they are convinced or not. This helps prevent me from getting upset, and makes me more persuasive.

Here's another perspective I have deliberately cultivated: There are already a whole bunch of us who have educated ourselves about Islam. In other words, I already have a girlfriend. Of course, being Citizen Warrior, I am in communication with a lot of people who share my understanding of Islam. But anyone can find plenty of like-minded thinkers by reading the comments on Take the Pledge: Read the Quran, reading the comments on Jihad Watch articles, joining a counterjihad Facebook group, etc. You can easily expose yourself to an almost unlimited number of educated counterjihadists who share your understanding of the situation. And when you do, it will help you feel less alone, isolated, or "needing" anyone's approval on this topic.

And another perspective I cultivate is a trust that if things get worse — if we can't reach enough people fast enough — it will only cause more people to open their minds to the facts about Islam (click here for an example). There was a strong movement in the United States against getting involved in "Europe's war" until the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. Then suddenly the majority of Americans completely changed their opinion.

I know what you're thinking: 9/11 didn't suddenly change everyone's opinion. But it did wake up many of us, and we're waking up the rest. And each "mistake" orthodox Muslims make causes more of us to awaken, so even if I completely fail to convince anyone in a one-on-one conversation, I have planted the seeds of understanding, and as events unfold, they will come to see the truth, so I don't need to convince them now.

These perspectives help me stay relaxed in conversations, and make me more persuasive. I'm sure they are but a few of the many possible perspectives that might help. Experiment with yourself and find what works for you. And if you would be so kind, please share with us what works here: Talk About Islam Among Non-Muslims.


Anonymous 12:26 AM  

Thanks for writing this. You have awakened many and your work is deeply appreciated.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...

Citizen Warrior 12:39 AM  

Thank you very much.

Show us here the mettle of your pasture; let us swear that you are worth your breeding, which I doubt not; for there is none of you so mean and base that hath not noble lustre in your eyes...

Anonymous 7:32 AM  

I too have a girlfriend:-)

But what about one who lost a girlfriend?

What attitude one should keep when one can't convince oneself that when your loved one are not ready to know about islam and fall in trap?

My friend got trapped in love jihad to a muslim guy and then got ditched later

Now another one is stuck

Falling in love is so lucrative and muslims get themselves more lucrative by 'love jihad' concept

how to counter

sorry can't name myself here

Citizen Warrior 12:18 PM  

All you can do is the best you can. People make stupid love mistakes all the time. You can try to reason with them, but sometimes the feelings have taken over their brain and they are unreachable. It would be better, of course, if you can educate them BEFORE they fall in love, if you can.

Citizen Warrior 12:26 PM  

Someone just emailed this comment:

I found your column very helpful and forwarded it to the rest of the people I know who are interested in combating the "stealth" jihad. Many of us attended a "briefing" by Ms. Clare Lopez last night and so many in the audience were Islam "virgins." Their most-frequently asked question? WHY DON'T OUR ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES KNOW THIS STUFF??? Thank you for your postings.

Anonymous 11:38 PM  

I'm german. This article is mighty helpful. I have been debating with good friends, talking me into a fury... to the degree that my stomach felt sick.
I should come here more often
Greetings from Europe

Anonymous 10:20 PM  

thanks Citizen warrior..

yes educating is key and doing best of what you can

Your blog is a neutral approach and yet for good of humanity..

thanks for good work

Anonymous 6:37 PM  

Citixen Warrior,
Do you expect people to feel relax when talking about an unpleasant oppressive subject(that one have to thread carefully when talking about it for fear of offending their fanatical followers) that is related to a totalitarian ideology?

Citizen Warrior 10:00 PM  

Yes. I expect people to do whatever they need to do to feel relaxed.

Let me put it this way: If your family was being held hostage and you had to walk into a bank and calmly — without arousing any suspicion — withdraw all your money to get your family back, would you be able to do it?

You would find a way. That's what we need to do. If we can't get through to people because they won't listen to us because we're too hysterical, and all we are doing is blaming them for not listening to us, then shame on us.

When the stakes are high, you do whatever you have to do. So find a way to stay calm and relaxed so you can be effective.

Anonymous 1:48 PM  

That is a great approach. It was taught in ancient India by both Krishna and Buddha.

Equanimity. Detachment. No Reaction.

Brings inner/outer happiness. For more details try

Anonymous 3:19 PM  

Working yourself up, feeling anger & frustration even though this is such a sinister and malevelolent topic is like taking poison yourself and expecting the enemy to die.

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